(FROM OUR SPECIAL ENVIRONMENT)
Meknes.

You will torment yourself.” It is a commandment that all should inscribe on their foreheads, in blue tattoo ink.

The deprivation of liberty, the pain of hard forced labor, the invasion of fleas under the marabouts, the fifty-five degrees in the sun during the summer, the tormenting cold of the winter nights: this is still not enough. Justice, nature, the natural cruelty of men fall on their heads; they don't feel fulfilled! Their warped thinking plots against themselves. They wreak new pain on their bodies with great blows.

They put on makeup.

Rest assured, ladies, this is not about competition. The goal they want to achieve is not to keep the complexion fresh and rosy until the age of eighty-five, like Ninon de Lenclos. They inoculate themselves with diseases, deform their limbs, cut their fingers, burn their eyes. They practice appearing crazy, fainting, not reacting to pungent odors when they act epileptic. At night, we see some lurking, at patrol time, with their shirts hanging loose, between the beds in the barracks; This is sleepwalking training.

There is no shortage of stray dogs in the countryside. They travel through it slowly, night and day, in the hope of a vague carrion. In the absence of carrion, and when we know how to excite them, they apparently bite willingly into a living calf. It's a godsend. The man maintains the teeth mark and waits two weeks. It's just a matter of grimacing, twisting his mouth, and making saliva foam on his lips. And with haggard eyes we present ourselves before the doctor. We became enraged.

Others prefer paralysis. You must first know how to give in to a boss. Previously we will have taken a long walk. days with one arm hanging, as if dead, at his side. We will have made the resolution to renounce all the pain that will follow. If someone passes behind you and pinches your arm, you must remember that you must not shout. If someone pricks your arm, or if someone burns it incidentally, the same indifference is required.

We obviously no longer walk except by scraping the ground. And if we forget that it is essential to describe arcs of a circle with our left leg, it is because we are “worthy of being a tadpole” (of being discovered).

It takes great willpower to become a hunchback. Before embarking on this makeup, the most serious reflections are recommended to candidates.

Are you capable of sustained effort? This, at first, will take your breath away, but you get used to it. You will feel like your neck is in a straitjacket. Try! Try! Move your neck forward, move your head forward, pull in your chest. Again and again ! Go back! Pretend that you want wings to grow on your shoulders, make your shoulder blades stick out! How do you find yourself? You already have the shrines that are lamenting. You're no match for that number. Try knee arthritis, old man, it's more on the ropes.

What do we do about the knee thing?

You take a small bag. We will give you one; This does not run the marabouts, but we have our cupboards.
You fill the bag with sand, and at night, when the luxury horses (the officers) are sleeping, you hit your knee with little blows of the bag, for hours. If you are well constituted, it will be a little long; if your mother failed you, you're good within five days.

For conjunctivitis, you need men who are not women. It's nothing to do, but it's important not to moan like a lady during the operation. Just get some snuff and snuff it through your eyes. If you are in a hurry and the tobacco is lacking, lemon juice, pepper, mustard, soap water, hot cigarette ashes don't hurt either.

Hemoptysis enthusiasts are spoiled for choice. In short, you have to prove that you are spitting blood and that's it; when the hospital pashas check the “interior” it will always be two weeks spent in the cold; the time to go there, and the time to get out of there. You can cut your gums. If you get blood, it's even better. When man stops at this decision, dogs without family will be well inspired if they go very far from him. Otherwise the dog is killed, bled and the precious liquor collected. Even curdled, you can still use this blood several days later, as long as you have experience.
What's better than anything is a leech. Stale waters are less rare than quarts of wine. We fish for leeches, sneakily. We quickly put it in his mouth. The leech is happy. She does a good job. The tongue holds it against the palate, as is right, because it is not a question of swallowing the animal. We then spit out all the necessary blood.

Now, if you believe that laurels are simply on earth to weave wreaths for great men or to season rabbit stew, you will need to complete your education. A few bay leaves, especially when the bay leaf is pink, make an excellent herbal tea which, in five seconds, gives you jaundice. However, you need to know how to dose the potion. A dozen leaves too many would lead you straight to misery colic.

This jaundice is the most recommended. Applying picric acid to the body requires, for careful work, a certainty of hand which is not given to everyone. This last process should only be used for lack of laurel.

Erysipelas is not to be disdained. It is a disease that is visible at first glance. It certifies that you are incontestably carrying a microbe. However, the carriers of microbes, however tiny these microbes may be, must not live in society. Distance is essential. We resolutely rub our skin with thapsia leaves. When we are tired, we stop, we catch our breath and we rub harder. And your skin becomes like a toad's when the toad is pustular. The blisters are blooming on your dermis and epidermis, which is a real joy. This is when you need to have on hand what others use to make aioli, but what, here, will complete the erysipelas. We want to talk about crushed garlic. Garlic will cause the essential and beneficial redness around the blisters. Remove! This gentleman's erysipelas is served.

Ulcers aren't bad either. It is also easier to maintain good health than many other illnesses. You never know how far a good ulcer will take you. This, with any luck, can lead to amputation! To take your number in this lottery, you just need to own a woolen cloth and work in a lime kiln. Rub the skin vigorously with the cloth, then sprinkle with the product from the oven; the rest is nothing to do. We always have within reach hot sand, ashes, soap water, salt or one of these products which, in well-administered towns, we send by authority to the sewer system.

Do you know why man invented the needle and made thread? It's to give yourself phlegmons. We pass the floss between two of his teeth. It's not to laminate it, it's to put it in contact with tartar. Once this is done, aim for the needle's hole and, as if you were hemming a sheet (if you still hem them), you sew directly onto your skin. The wire gently deposits its microbes and comes out pasteurized. Phlegmon is in power, it thrives, it develops, it prospers. That's enough to make a poor man the lucky holder of a hospital bed for three months.

Once again, today I am going to address the ladies. Kohl, ladies, is not at all intended to make your eyes bright as stars and deep as tombs. When you stick the powder with one of your little pink fingers and then rub it on your eyelids, you completely ignore the use of this devilish substance. Kohl, first of all, cannot be used alone. First, you must obtain a ribbon to tighten your neck until your breath stops. This result obtained, while you are already beating the air with your pretty arms, you grab the kohl, which you took care to dilute in water, and you furiously smear it all over your face. With that, you fall to the floor. Your husband comes in and shouts: “Mary! Madam is asphyxiated! » You can't simulate better asphyxiation. It's the underworld who are sending you this recipe.

As for goiter, nothing could be easier. Who doesn't have a goiter? We make a small invisible hole in our neck. We take a blowtorch and carefully adjust it to the orifice. We whistle at the first friend who passes: Give me a good blow, we tell him. " It's done. The goiter flourishes. We also get blown away elsewhere. This is for peritonitis.

We will cover fevers, diabetes, varicose veins, enteritis, bladder stones, very familiar to stone breakers, abscesses, hives, deafness, sciatica. , on hematuria, on torticollis, on diarrhea, on eczema and on scurvy, but we will say a word about melancholy.

To be melancholy, you have to show a sad face. If we naturally have colors, we must first start by chasing them away. It is therefore appropriate to observe young people. When you are in front of your bowl you must not jump on it like a starving person, you must look disdainfully in your soup like in a tarnished mirror. If the officer passes by and asks, “Why aren’t you eating?” be careful not to answer like the plague: “I’m sick.” » If the officer himself says: “Are you sick?” leave without hurrying, while looking up at him with absent eyes: “Oh! No! Don’t talk to anyone: When someone talks to you, don’t say: “You’re bothering me! » Say nothing at all, don’t respond. Losing weight is essential. Shuffling around even when sitting. Always be present at work, every day with increased goodwill, every day with strength leaving you. If by miraculous chance a sergeant says to you: “Leave that, go to the infirmary” answer: “No, sergeant, I can still draw” and continue drawing. Finally the day the doctor said: “Perhaps we could propose him for sending to France”, remaining completely indifferent. The result we expect from acute nostalgia is at all these costs.

But if we have chosen madness... Cinema acrobats risk their lives less often than those who volunteer for madness. If the road runs alongside a deep ravine, walk straight into the void and know how to fall to the very bottom of the ravine. If you come across a lake, rush into the water and only come out when pulled by your comrades, struggling like crazy. Never speak, never! We will only open our mouths to pronounce incomprehensible words; such for example as: Ah! Kastar, Vourustanda. Ah! Kastar Vouroustanda.” Eight days in a row I saw this one. The doctors say he's not crazy. To each of my requests he replied: “Ah! Kastar, Vouroustanda.” Not being interested in what you're saying. If someone says in front of you: “Tomorrow we are going to subject him to another electrical treatment. It's radical, but damn it's not funny. He will suffer. He will jump three meters on the table, etc. the next day he will be taken to the hospital as if we had heard nothing. In winter, when the nights are very cold, undress for no reason, and stay naked and shiver. But if your clothes are brought back to you, put them on naturally and with a smile of satisfaction. If someone says to you: “Where are you suffering?” laugh like a good child. However, maintain yourself in the madness that you have adopted. I saw two who, when they received their bowl, spilled the contents and lapped up their soup, on the ground like dogs. The rest of the time they remain lying under the mattress. When you shake them they play dead. This has been going on for ten months. Experts say they are not crazy. But the officers, even the adjutant, begin to believe that they are. Maybe they have become one?

(To be continued.)
Albert LONDON.