Three Wars

The employees of the central post office on Place Tartas are very much to be pitied; they don't know where to turn; at every moment they have problems like this:

Last Monday, at 3 p.m., a lady wearing a white beret came to one of the counters and asked for a tight swimsuit.

—You are lying, replied the furious lady; I don't like being made fun of; your storefront has a big yellow sign saying: Nouvelles Galeries. I want a swimsuit and I won't leave here without trying it on.

The lady, overexcited, would not listen and broke a window with a blow of her cane. The manager, terrified, hid under a table. The firefighters and the police were called. In the neighborhood, it was thought that there was a fire or a riot; gatherings formed; traffic was interrupted; the rumor spread that an anarchist had thrown a bomb and stolen the cash register.

—"Aoh! Yes; this is the pharmacy of the White Cross; this is written on the facade. Me very constipated. Me give you a pound sterling worth 83 francs. Give me pills and change. Me earn a lot in exchange. »

He only left after an hour of violent discussion, declaring that he would complain to his ambassador and that, since he was being refused the remedies he needed, the cordial understanding would be broken.

Every day, people, deceived by the posters, signs and advertisements affixed to the façade of the central post office, come in to ask for a beer, a pair of sneakers, a moving truck or insurance against livestock disease.

The mayor, seized with numerous protests about this state of affairs, brought the question before the Municipal Council at its last meeting.
These advertisements, he said, are so numerous and disparate that one would take the post office for an advertising agency or any store. One can barely see the openings of the mailbox. As for the inscription: Post and Telegraph Office, it disappears, framed by brightly painted pictures announcing advertisements. It is unsightly, annoying and incompatible with the developments and improvements that are made every day to satisfy the many foreigners who visit or reside in our city. I therefore consider it to be in the general interest to remove all advertising outside the central post office and I propose that the Municipal Council join the protesters in obtaining the removal of all these posters."

The Council, unanimously, gave full powers to the Mayor to take steps with the P.T.T. administration and to declare war on it if he did not obtain satisfaction.

And now our municipality, driven by the spirit of conquest, wants to annex Pyla-sur-mer and the Lapin Blanc. It will come up against the resistance of the Testerins with Mr. Dignac as their general-in-chief. He will defend his two provinces with obstinacy. What a terrible fight! Let us see it coming without fear since we have an army of heroes at the head of which will march Captain Bon, a fearless and blameless infantryman, like the knight Bayard. We can count on victory. It will nevertheless be a second war, more fierce than the first.

But that is not all: we will have to fight against Mr. Despujols who persists in camping, with ignoble barracks, on the left bank of our basin. It is a question of dislodging him. Now, this builder has on his side all the parliamentarians to whom he has given or promised boats. It is a third war that we have on our hands.

The time has therefore come to sharpen our swords and keep our powder dry. No weaknesses! We will go all the way, on all three fronts. Let us follow the white plume of our mayor; he will lead us on the path of honor
and victory.

Albert CHICHÉ. Former deputy of Bordeaux