Hors-d'Oeuvre

Advice to winegrowers

Everyone has heard of mildew and phylloxera, diseases that affect the vine in its base and threaten the vine in its existence. Winegrowers also know that the grape cluster is frequently affected by an accidental disease that harms its development and destroys the hope of the harvest.

This disease is called "millerandage". I'm not joking. Consult botanists, winegrowers, or simply the dictionary. I am informed about "millerandage" by an article published in a special journal, under the signature of Mr. Gabriel Fauré (he is not the musician; he is an agricultural engineer who, by chance, bears the same name).

"Millerandage" is a milder form of "coulure". There is coulure when the flowers, which are promises, do not give birth to fruits, which are realities. Coulure, due to a poor constitution of the flower, is called "constitutional" (sic)... There is "millerandage" when the flowers of the vine give birth to aborted fruits, to derisory bunches. Millerandage is due to an exaggerated vigor of the parasitic shoots, following an excess of fertilizer; there is millerandage when, around a foot, there is too much manure.

Perhaps you will understand "millerandage" better by reading the political newspapers.

Millerandage or coulure is a constitutional affliction of politicians. It gives hopes, it gives promises, it gives flowers. After twenty or thirty years, we realize that it makes dried fruits. Goodbye, baskets; The harvest is done…

However, there is a luxury grape variety that seems, by its location, to be sheltered from these vicissitudes and, by prior agreement, protected against any disillusionment.

It is understood that a President of the Republic must not bear fruit. A President of the Republic is only a flower that lasts seven times three hundred and sixty-five mornings, it is a decorative and sterilized plant, like those other foliages that are there, for rent, to adorn official ceremonies. A President of the Republic must be careful not to conceive thoughts and mature projects, under penalty of catastrophes.

Why are we obliged, after having taken the advice of the head gardener of the Elysée, to confuse with a contradictory definition the idea that winegrowers have of "millerandage"?

"Millerandage" is an unconstitutional disease, from which the guards who watch over the doors of the presidential palace do not protect the head of state. It is the political virus that penetrates the constitution of the Irresponsible. It is the sterile flower that wants to give birth to a monstrous fruit, to a winter fruit that is picked on December 2, trampling the flowerbeds and crushing the begonias.

God save heads of state from politics! God save Mr. Millerand's successor from millerandage! As for the Republic... What does a dried fruit that is detached from the branch matter to the Republic? But may God preserve the Republic from the evils that threaten the vine in its base and the vine in its very existence!

Are you sure that the Republic is not affected by mildew or phylloxera?

G. DE LA FOUCHARDIÈRE.