RELAXATION

A Russian lawyer, working as a prisoner, was not satisfied with his fate. However, the fate of a prisoner in France is preferable to the fate of a lawyer in Russia. On the other hand, Russians (whatever social class they belong to) have the same ability to adapt as lawyers (whatever nationality they belong to). With a French lawyer you can make a minister of anything. With a former Russian, grand duke or general, you can make an excellent taxi driver. Count Ignatieff is a taxi driver and did something quite lovely the other day.
At the stroke of two o'clock the evil one, he loaded a well-known playwright... Since Feydeau died, it is always Yves Mirande that the drivers load at two o'clock in the morning... Arriving at his destination, Mirande recognized Le Count, when he went to pay him. Kindly, he rolled a hundred franc note into a ball and slipped the ball into the driver's hand, with a smile. Count Ignatieff returned the smile; with one hand, he sent the ball of one hundred francs into the stream, and he held out the other hand to his customer saying - The price... without tip! Count Ignatieff, former Grand Duke in Russia, seems happy with his lot as a taxi driver... Mr. Katezenelson, a Russian lawyer, felt no joy in sweeping the bazaar where he was employed as a servant. This difference is due to the fact that aristocrats, in the event of a revolution, find it quite natural and very regular to become emigrants, dance teachers and taxi drivers; while lawyers, in the event of a revolution, expect to become members of the provisional government or Incorruptibles in a committee of public safety. Thus, Mr. Kalezenelson, not finding it normal or regular to be a laborer in a bazaar, following a revolution made by and for lawyers, began by buying a revolver. He renounced the plan he had had to kill Lenin or Trotzky, because of the disturbance; and then Lenin and Trotzky were so often killed by journalists, and so in vain, that such an enterprise appears discouraging to the most determined amateurs._
A. Kalezenelson resolved to kill Mr. Rapoport. It's a funny idea, Mr. Rappoport is a sort of verbal and mystical apostle who claims to be Saint Labre and Saint Francis of Assisi; he seeks the happiness of humanity in error, and his goodness extends to the tiniest creatures, who find their food on him. Killing Mr. Rappoport would be very stupid, very unfair and very wicked, and it would accomplish absolutely nothing. Mr. Katezenelson showed up at Mr. Rappoport’s home. did not find Mr. Rappoport, but Mr. Rappoport's daughter was there... So, just as he would have shot Mr. Rappoport instead of Lenin, he shot Mr. Rappoport's daughter at the Mr. Rappoport's place... I think that Jeannette, Mr. Rappoporl's maid, was very lucky not to be alone at home. It was absolutely necessary for Mr. Katezenelson to shoot someone, as he was in a bad mood.
This is not a trait peculiar to the Slavic soul. All humans who are in a bad mood and who hold a gun obey this impulse... Like Ms. Paulmier, who, a few years ago, showed up at a newspaper office to kill a journalist who had insulted her. "He's not there," she was told... "It doesn't matter," she replied... And she killed another journalist who had done nothing to her, but who was there.
Any gun, being a possibility, is a suggestion that imposes the atavistic need to kill, or at least shoot.
Last Sunday, I found myself in a town where, in living memory, we have never seen a partridge, nor a hare, nor a rabbit. However, from dawn, the fields were invaded by squads of hunters preceded by their brigadiers: (a brigadier is a mutt of hunters). All day long, it was an excessive and inexplicable backfire. —What are they shooting at? I asked a local. — On larks when they see them. And on sparrows when there are no larks. When all the sparrows are exterminated, I suppose the hunters will shoot at each other, rather than not shooting at all. The organ sometimes creates the function. Rifles and cannons are organs of war. War is about cannons and rifles. There are two causes for individual or international massacres: bad humor and easy-trigger weapons. It is impossible to remove the causes of bad mood. Why does the League of Nations, instead of applying itself to this impossible task, not try to eliminate firearms?

G. DE LA FOUCHARDIÈRE